I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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