Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
