This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize