How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
