I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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