you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
