On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
