i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize