Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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