The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
