I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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