like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
