I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
