Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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