im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
