Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize