i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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