I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize