Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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