Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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