I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
