hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
40s are totally the cure
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
