do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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