She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
