Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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