Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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