Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
