moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
