So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
