I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize