her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
