I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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