I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
