I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
