And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
wow bdsm is so cute
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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