just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
