But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
