i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
