If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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