I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
