Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
