the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize