Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
