Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
