Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
