He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
