Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize