Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
