you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize