I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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