I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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