I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
