i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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