wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
