Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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