First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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