Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
