She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
