Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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