But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm always down for nudity.
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