I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
