I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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