I'm really into asian looking animals
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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