I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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