Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
