Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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