I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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