I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need water and some morals
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
