he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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