I feel great
I just peed on a car
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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