And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
