Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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