the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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