we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
