Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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