it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
