i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize