What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
