So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
